Sports Q&A: Ricky and the Argonauts

Sonny from Miami, FL writes, "Ricky Williams just signed a contract to play for the Canadian Football League's Toronto Argonauts, and ESPN analyst Joe Theismann has a problem with it. What's the deal with Joe?"

Who knows what Theismann's problem is. I hear he's been a little upset since seeing Barbaro break his leg in the Preakness Stakes a few weeks ago. Or maybe he's distraught that he won't be working with Paul McGuire later this year. Actually, Theismann began his professional football career with the Argonauts, so maybe he's just angry that the team has signed a player who has continually violated the National Football League's substance abuse policy. This may be the first time that an American living in the States gave a good gosh darn what went on in the CFL.

Theismann should give Williams a break. Sure, Williams is suspended from the NFL, but not the CFL. He's never failed a drug test in the CFL, yet. Even so, if you get kicked out of McDonald's, does that mean you can't go to Burger King? And this is professional sports. You can get kicked out of McDonald's several times, and still return to McDonald's. You've heard of Darryl Strawberry, right?

I'm not sure what the CFL's drug policy is, or if they even have one, but, as long as Williams stays clean while under contract to the Argonauts, no one should have a problem with him playing there. If he is banished from the CFL for substance abuse, his options will be limited, and Theismann can boast that he "told you so," but Williams can play football somewhere else. I doubt the Amsterdam Admirals of the NFL Europe league would have any trouble enticing Williams to play for them, and they probably wouldn't even have to pay him.

Look, Joe, don't fault Williams for doing something he loves. And by that, I mean "playing football." He's got bills to pay, kids to support, shahman and witch doctors to finance, and he still owes the Dolphins money. Plus, he's probably never burned one on Canadian soil. And he possibly could be eligible for universal health care.

Besides, Joe, the Argonauts are only paying Williams $500,000 for his services. You're telling me Williams isn't committed to football when he agrees to play for such little money when he's used to making at least $5 million a year? You know what Williams does when he's not playing football? He travels to remote locations on the planet and does things that later get him suspended from the NFL.

So Joe, what are you going to do about all this besides criticize Williams in the media? Luckily for you, Williams is one laid-back fellow. Your remarks could easily offend him, and he could snap you in half if he weren't so mellow, for whatever reason. If you like, Joe, you could always go north of the border and extradite Williams back to the States. And take Dog the Bounty Hunter with you. Or you could be supportive of a fellow professional and be happy that he's got a chance to play.

You know, Joe, you played in the NFL during a time when drug testing wasn't that high on the league's agenda. So, several of your contemporaries likely played alongside or against you, even though they enjoyed an occasional recreational fix of their drug of choice. And they didn't have to go to Canada to play. Come on, Joe, can you look at Williams with a straight face and tell him that Lawrence Taylor never used an illegal substance during his career?

Maybe Williams doesn't deserve another chance at football after all of his troubles with drugs. Then again, maybe we all deserve a sixth, 10th, or 19th chance at some point in our lives. Heck, maybe Williams doesn't really want to play in Canada. Maybe he just heard that Toronto has a hockey team called the Maple Leafs, and that a maple leaf appears on the national flag, and that was just too many leaves to pass up. Does it matter, really? Williams is playing in Canada, and if you don't like it, Joe, do what you normally do, and not watch CFL football. Call it your idea of a protest.

Gil from Las Vegas, NV writes, "Two former Florida State football players, Cincinnati Bengal AJ Nicholson and Fred Rouse, were charged with stealing $1,700 worth of electronic equipment from current Seminole running back Lorenzo Booker. As criminal mischief by college athletes in the state of Florida goes, is this that big of a deal?"

Are you telling me that college football players in Florida are prone to felonious behavior? You're kidding me. When a crime is committed in Florida, it's a safe assumption that there is some connection to the University of Miami or Florida State University. If you need specifics, check the football team.

A theft of $1,700 is not that big of a deal in the scheme of things, but since it was perpetrated by college football players in the state of Florida, it becomes a big deal. It's stupid enough to steal, but when you steal from a player from your former team, you're just asking for more trouble and more ridicule. And, throw in the fact that a receiver's glove with the No. 1, Rouse's former jersey number, stitched inside was found at the crime scene, and you have the makings of criminal idiocy.

And, just in case that wasn't enough to implicate them, Nicholson and Rouse cut themselves breaking a window and left blood drops at the scene. Allegedly, blood smeared on the kitchen wall spelled out "FSU Rulz." Not really, but it wouldn't have been a surprise. Decision-making doesn't seem to be Nicholson's and Rouse's strength.

Nicholson was just drafted in April by the Bengals — why on Earth he felt the need to steal is beyond me. Let me correct myself. Why on Earth he felt the need to steal only $1,700 is beyond me. He was a fifth-round draft pick with a Florida State pedigree, so he should have a lot of money coming to him. Now, I guess the money will still be coming to him, but it will be going right out to cover his legal defenses. I hope he has a good lawyer.

Wait, he must have a good lawyer. This isn't his first brush with the law. He's been accused of a sexual assault, but has yet to be charged in the case. He also pleaded no contest to a driving while intoxicated arrest, and had charges dropped in a case of resisting arrest. You don't beat those raps without top-notch legal representation, and good words supporting his fine character by Bobby Bowden surely didn't hurt his cause.

How did Nicholson find the time to become an NFL-caliber football player while on his random criminal spree? And how did he remain on the team in light of all his transgressions? At FSU, talent supersedes criminal behavior and sheer stupidity. But, in Nicholson's defense (I bet he's heard that a lot), why should he cease his criminal ways if he can continue to get away with it?

It's apparent that most college and professional teams don't place much stock in a player's character. They may say they do, but if a player is talented enough, then his rap sheet is inconsequential. If their eyes, if a payer is so brazen as to commit crimes without fear of retribution, then he should have no trouble taking on a 330-pound pulling offensive lineman, or meeting a fullback head on, or assaulting a heckler at a popular nightclub. It takes nerve to be a criminal, and it takes nerve to make certain plays on the football field.

Football scouts can do their jobs just as well listening to a police scanner as they can watching a football game. And a menacing mug-shot can give a scout a good indication of a player's tenacity, much more so than some silly IQ test or a 40-yard dash time. And speaking of 40-yard dash times, why do you think football players are so fast? Because they spend much of their time running from the cops. Out-running an opposing players is easy when you've eluded the police on foot-chases several times in your life.

So Gil, crimes committed by athletes aren't big deals anymore. Maybe they used to be, but they are so commonplace now that it soon will be a recorded statistic. Sadly, a player's checkered past doesn't deter colleges from recruiting or pro teams from drafting. Thuggery will take you places, as long as you have athletic talent to complement it. Don't be surprised if players start showing up at the NFL draft in orange jumpsuits and shackles. And don't be surprised if that improves their draft stock.

Get Your Questions Answered!

Do you have a question or comment? Do you want to get something off your chest? Do you have trouble speaking, and are not a mime? Are you a shell of your former self? Then send your question or comment, your bra size, and a bean burrito from Taco Bell along with your name and hometown to [email protected]. You may get the answer you're looking for in the next column on Friday, June 16th.

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