Look At Me, I’m Stephen Jackson

Look at me, I'm Stephen Jackson! Stephen Jackson, NBA superstar! That means I can do whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want, however the hell I want. Playing 82 games a year for the Indiana Pacers is a grueling, stressful job, so every once in a while, I like to go out and enjoy myself. I'm allowed to, after all, I am Stephen Jackson! They make basketball cards of me! I make millions of dollars! I own things! I play in the NBA!

Me and my buddies are going out tonight to have some fun.

We will bring guns.

David Stern can tell me that I can't take my gun into the arena (that's fine, I still have my fists). David Stern can tell me that I can't take my gun with me on team trips. The government can tell me I shouldn't take my gun into a bank, school, or liquor establishment. However, David Stern and the government can't tell me I can't take my gun out with me and my buddies to have a little fun.

Leave my gun at home, just for protection? What are you talking about David?

I need it for protection when I leave my home.

And did I mention, to have some fun.

I will be packing tonight, in bars, restaurants, and clubs of all kinds.

What will I tell people when I arrive? I will tell them, "Look at me, I'm Stephen Jackson!"

Look at my fists.

Look at my jewelry.

Look at my posse.

Look at my car.

Look at my gun.

I will make a scene at some point in the night. It's not question of if, it's a question of when. For some reason, people are always pressuring me when I'm out just having a good time. They want to cause trouble. They want to bring the vibe down. They don't want Stephen Jackson and his gun having a good time.

So when that happens, I will defend my honor. I will defend my name ... my fists, my jewelry, my car, my posse, and my gun.

I will not be held responsible for being a "role model."

I will not worry about the name on the front of my jersey, just the name on the back. After all, it says JACKSON! As in, Stephen Jackson, me. My name is not Indiana Pacers.

Yes, when the time comes, after me and my buddies have had all the expensive liquor, naked girls, and debauchery we can handle, I will defend myself.

I will defend myself, even if it means threatening the lives and safety of innocent bystanders.

You, in the fourth row, watch out.

You, in Row A, seat 2, watch out.

You, minding your own business having a good time with your friends, watch out for the gunshots.

You, in the striped shirt, I will shove that gyro down your throat.

I mean it.

I will commit "errors in judgement" without thinking once.

Some people may be scared of the law. Some people might be scared of breaking their probation and facing the possibility of jail time. Some people might look at the millions of dollars that the Pacers organization gives me and wonder why I don't show a little more restraint.

Who's going to defend the name of "Stephen Jackson" if I do that? Answer that conundrum. Who? Rick Carlisle? Sure, Rick Carlisle is going to go toe to toe with those three guys in the Cadillac at 3:00 AM. David Stern? Sure, he'll just invite those fine gentlemen to his office in New York to work things out over a tea party.

I bet Rick Carlisle isn't even man enough to own a gun. I bet David Stern would keep his in a triple-lock safe in the back of his closet.

Schmucks.

I will continue to make Ron Artest look like a better human being and responsible player.

My actions will constantly make the NFL thankful that they have an age-limit and remind them how lucky they are that Maurice Clarett never won his lawsuit (speaking of a man who knows how to have a good time and defend himself).

I will do the same.

Look at me, I'm Stephen Jackson!