What ... too early?
With the 2011-12 NFL season currently in limbo thanks to labor negotiations, a lot of football fans have been going about their daily lives as if their house pet had turned on them and set their house ablaze. Regardless of whether or not the prospects of a 2011-12 season look bleak or not, we owe it to ourselves and our daily lives to trudge onward and suck it up. To put it nice and succinctly, you need to stop walking around pouting like a little girl and focus on the finer things in life.
Thankfully for you, there are plenty of ways to put a positive spin on the current NFL labor talks and the best of all lies in pretending all will be well and going about your normal business. And by normal business, I mean attempting to predict the upcoming NFL season in February. Some may say this is entirely and almost disgustingly early, but once again, we must remain in a positive state of mind if we're going to get our friends and family to talk to us again.
What better way to do all of this than to pick a sleeper team? And what better way to turn your frown upside down than to mate a top 10 list with NFL sleeper team picking strategies? Completely genius, I know, but let's not waste any more time!
Every year, at least one team that sucked balls the year prior ends up turning it around and becomes a contender. Every year. Just as consistent is that the sleeper teams that most of the "experts" pick seem to almost take the term too literally and end up finishing the season as if they had been asleep during all of their practices. The trap most people fall into when picking their sleeper teams is that they aim too low — ultimately expecting a horrendous team to suddenly be absolutely fantastic through a couple of signings and the draft. While this could technically happen ... it's highly, highly unlikely.
Do you want to amaze and impress your friends and colleagues by successfully predicting the breakout team of 2011? Of course you do! Now, most likely your friends will laugh and make fun of you relentlessly for trying to bust out an NFL sleeper team in February, but forget them. You're going to be the one laughing come next January.
Without further ado, here is the top 10 things to take into account when picking your NFL sleeper team, assuming you have some type of reason to do so. If not, well, just pretend you do. Or make a blog. All the cool kids on the Internet block have a blog these days. Get with the program!
1. Absolutely positively do not put any stake into who ESPN picks as their sleeper team. Unless of course you actually enjoy looking like an ass who knows absolutely nothing about pro football.
2. Go back and read number one again.
No, seriously. Do it.
3. Do not shoot for the trees in the hopes of ending up on the moon. Or however that saying goes...
A la, don't pick Miami this year no matter how good you'll think they'll be. If they turn out to be a winner — great — but they'll likely barely tread water the entire season and remain firmly entrenched in the mid-levels of everyone's Power Rankings all year long.
4. Please, please, please do not put money on your sleeper team having a successful season. It just makes it that much worse when they lose. You officially go from that "idiot who doesn't know what he's talking about" to that "idiot who thinks he knows everything about pro football and most definitely has some type of gambling problem."
5. Aim for the teams who are on the precipice of actually becoming good. Think: the Detroit Lions (yes, seriously!), San Francisco 49ers, and so on and so forth ... and no, the Dallas Cowboys do not qualify as a sleeper team, regardless of legions of lemmings relentlessly picking them each and every year.
Ultimately, no team who will likely lose less than six games can be considered a sleeper prediction. Unless you're just a pompous ass.
6. If everyone else has them as a sleeper, they are no longer a sleeper team. They officially become a "snorer" team ... and yes, I just made that up. And also, yes, I realize it is very likely not funny in the slightest. At least I try!
7. Just because you're good with them in Madden doesn't mean that this will actually translate into real life. Your mad ill skills with the sticks only applies to the virtual world, where you can actually be good at something.
8. If all else fails, go with your gut. No, this is not mindless filler to flesh out the list, I'm serious! Ultimately, this would only hold true if your gut is usually right. If you're that guy who bets four team parlays on the Raiders, Rams, Chiefs, and inane NCAA division 1A teams — just completely disregard this whole entire number. Also, stop betting on four team parlays.
9. It is acceptable to cheat on your favorite team and buy jerseys and other pointless merchandise related to your sleeper team. Be forewarned however: Do not do this until a ways into the season and/or at least when you know for a fact you picked a winner.
Unless, of course, you don't mind random Alex Smith and Jacoby Jones jerseys collecting dust in your closet.
10. Do not take your prediction too seriously. Mainly because the odds are, you're going to be wrong and when all is said and done, the less people that know about it, the better!
So there you have it, rules to live by. If you have any others, and I know you will, feel free to leave them in the comments.
Leave a Comment