In the name of God and His servant Stengel, and there were those who thought they were one and the same once upon a time, exactly what the hell was that we saw in Kansas City last weekend? Who did these Royals and Athletics think they were — the Dodgers and the Giants? The Red Sox and the Yankees? The Romans and the Carthaginians? Hockey players?
Just don't mistake them for Jack Benny and Fred Allen. When those two legendary radio comedians feuded for the better part of a decade and a half, it was strictly for laughs and laughs they got, in abundance. What the Royals and the Athletics were doing at Kauffman Stadium all weekend long wasn't even close to a mere snort. Even if about half the personnel on both teams might have needed a snort when it finally ended.
They may even forget that what was billed going in as a pleasant weekend's rematch between last year's American League wild card winners ended in the Royals taking two out of the three basebrawl games, outscoring the A's 15-6 all weekend and winning Sunday afternoon despite five Royals getting ejected.
It started last Friday night in the seventh inning with one of the oldest known plays in the game. The takeout slide to bust up a double play has been as much a part of baseball as the curve ball, the three-run homer, and the Yogi Berra malaprop. Whether it ended with Royals pitchers Yordano Ventura (fine, amount undisclosed at this writing) and Kelvim Herrera (five-game suspension) disciplined for throwing at Athletics third baseman Brett Lawrie last Saturday and Sunday, respectively, remains to be seen.
The war began last Friday, when Lawrie plowed Royals shortstop Alcides Escobar in a hard sliding bid to break a double play in the top of the eighth. Escobar suffered a knee sprain and the Royals suffered a case of the itch to get even. Or at least a case of ignoring their own manager.
"I can't judge intent," Ned Yost said after the 6-4 win. He also said he didn't think Lawrie's somewhat late slide was really a bid to draw and quarter Escobar. Neither did Royals first baseman Eric Hosmer. "It was a weird play," he told reporters. "It was obviously late, but I don't think he meant anything by it."
Shame they didn't get the message to Saturday starter Ventura, who should have gotten it after he tried a little rough stuff with Angels superman Mike Trout the previous weekend. When Josh Reddick whacked a 3-run homer in the fourth Saturday, Ventura seized the opportunity to drill Lawrie two pitches later.
Lawrie was the leadoff batter an inning earlier. If Ventura wanted to send him a message on behalf of protecting an injured teammate, why the hell didn't Ventura throw him one up and in then? You can bet Saturday's plate umpire Jim Joyce had the same question in mind as he ejected Ventura at once in the fourth.
Lawrie calmly took his base as both benches poured onto the field and Joyce's crew went to work containing it. He said later he tried to send Escobar a text message apologizing for the Friday night slide, but Escobar apparently never received it. Or, ignored it.
On a day when the Royals lost bullpen bull Greg Holland (he of the fabled H-D-H team) to the 15-day disabled list with a pectoral strain, getting shut out 5-0 with all the Oakland runs coming in that testy fourth was the last thing they needed. And Reddick himself left the impression that if Ventura had sent Lawrie the message when the third baseman batted for the first time in the game, even the A's would have thought nothing further of it.
Come Sunday, Scott Kazmir, the A's starter, plunked Royals outfielder Lorenzo Cain (the occasional one-man highlight reel from last October) on the foot in the first inning. Yost and Royals pitching coach Dave Eiland argued with Sunday plate ump Greg Gibson over the plunk and got thrown out post haste as the warnings went out to both side.
Did either Yost or Eiland stop to think that if Kazmir wanted send a message over Lawrie's Saturday plunk he wasn't going to throw at Cain's foot? Or did they think that, since everyone knows you're not going to aim at the feet when you want to send the other guys a message, maybe Kazmir knew exactly what he was doing? And would you blame Kazmir for wanting to send the Royals a little message about sending the right and wrong ones?
Either way, the Royals seemed as likely to heed the warnings as Islamic State is to outlaw beheadings among its charges. Sure enough, Herrera, the second H in H-D-H for the Royals, and apparently looking for payback over Cain, threw a hundred mile an hour heater behind Lawrie's upper back, clear across the letter of his name on the back of his uniform, in the eighth — after starting him off with a pitch inside and tight.
As he headed for the dugout following his ejection, Herrera pointed to his head. Lawrie was even less amused. "You can't throw at my head and then say, `Next time I face you, it's in the head'," Lawrie steamed after the Royals finished the ugly win. "He needs to pay for that. He doesn't throw 85. He throws 100."
Herrera swore the advent of rain made his grip difficult while trying only to throw to the inside part of the plate. He also said the only reason for the point to his head was to tell Lawrie, "Think about it." Sure.
Herrera was joined on the ejection list by Escobar himself, who barked during the ensuing argument, and Royals bench coach Don Wakamatsu, who was acting manager following Yost's ejection. The benches and bullpens emptied after Herrera's head point.
In one way you could understand the Royals' anger. Bad enough they were starting a season trying to overcome the thought that they were last year's fluke. Bad enough they were already the majors' second most often plunked team and stayed that way through the weekend.
But right or wrong timing they'd sent Lawrie the message about the Friday night fright, even if Ventura might have been acting entirely on his own. And the Royals won't have that long a wait to tangle with the A's again: they hook up in Oakland in June. Baseball government is going to have a wary eye on that set no matter what disciplinary action comes from the weekend now done.
The A's probably felt, bad enough they blew a four-run lead to the Royals in a 2014 wild card game they almost had in the bank, but worse is when too much isn't enough when it comes to sending one of their own a message about a hard takeout slide.
The Royals were one of baseball's most likable teams last year. That was then, this is now, and nobody looks good letting their inner bully come forth and stay there after enough really was enough.
After Sunday's mess and Royals' win, Yost admitted he fell asleep on the new sofa in his office following his first-inning toss. "By the time I woke up," he told reporters, "everybody was screaming and yelling in the locker room." He probably wishes he'd slept through the entire weekend.
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