Around my circles, the "Charms Play" is infamous. Don't worry, baby birds, I'll feed you. It's 2010 and I'm an 18-year old freshman at Syracuse University. Like most non-scholarship athletes, the intramural circuit instantly becomes more important than it should be. My roommate, who I knew from playing high school ball, and I were lucky enough to find a group of guys that would not only become some of our best friends, but also have the uncanny ability to pull flags and toe-tap their feet on out routes against hung-over cornerbacks. Our flag football team was more than solid, and it didn't take long for us to realize that the B-Lumpkins were going to be a dynasty around Syracuse's campus, at least in our own minds.
In the dorms, word got out that we were trashing frat teams and upperclassmen. We were undefeated and on our way to one of the many intramural championships we would net in our four-year career. Chicks love an intramural star, but that's beside the point. There was this kid on our floor that we would see all the time in passing, and he wanted to be on the team so bad. He'd mention it in the hallways, he'd plead with us in the cafeteria, explaining his merit and vowing his devotion. He was ready to jump through fire to be a B-Lumpkin.
That was "Charms." Charms was a little white guy from Massachusetts, so he naturally thought he was Wes Welker. My roommate aptly gave him the nickname, inferring it was because he charmed everyone he met, even though we all knew it was because he looked exactly like the Lucky Charms leprechaun. I don't know if you're reading this, but hey Charms.
Charms was the man, though we already had our roster down-pat, and at the time, we were still in good enough shape to not need or want breathers. However, we did promise Charms we would keep him in mind incase somebody had a conflict and couldn't make a game. That happened a few weeks later, and true to our word, Charms was our first (third) call.
Charms was small, though that's often an advantage in flags, and he had a semi-athletic build and seemingly decent hands when we would toss the pigskin around sporadically. However, when the game started, we quickly found out that Charms was very bad. He was dropping passes and missing flags, taking awful angles along the way while getting burnt in coverage. He flat-out shouldn't' have been on the field. He was the type of player that the other team just decided to not guard after a few plays, so they could use the extra defender on someone that could actually hurt them. As halftime neared, we realized that we missed on Charms, sort of like John Elway drafting quarterbacks.
But he was being uncovered, so we had to try and utilize him the best we could. On the last play of the first half, with the ball in our own territory, Charms made a break on a crossing pattern and was wide open near the front pylon. I was on the opposite side of the field, though once I saw our quarterback looking Charms' way, I immediately switched course and positioned myself in the back of the endzone behind Charms, with a defender planted in between us. My roommate Ryan threw a perfect pass, hitting Charms right in the hands while the defender tried to break on the play. The ball smacked off of Charms' fingertips and bounced over the defender like a volleyball set, dropping right into my hands for a touchdown. The "Charms Play" was born.
Of course, we embraced Charms, as if the entire play was drawn up and executed to perfection. It was an absolutely beautiful and intentional assist from our facetious perception. From there, the "Charms Play" took on a life of its own. Deflected passes turned receptions are somewhat common in the NFL, so naturally, whenever it happens, we assume the "Charms Play" was called from the sidelines. Charms receptions became Charms interceptions or even self-Charms, and before we knew it, every team was calling Charms multiple times a game. In fact, every time a tipped pass ends up being caught, it is automatically designated as a Charms play. In crunch time, I can't think of a better call.
We even have a Charms-based group text message, so we can alert each other whenever we see a "Charms Play" in a college or NFL game. "Colts Charms — Luck to Hilton" is a weekly text variation I've come to expect. Charms is a hero. The "Charms Play" is legendary.
So, I implore you, whenever you see a tipped pass that ends up being caught in the upcoming weeks, think of our little buddy Charms. It may just change you're outlook on the game entirely. Now, here's your Week 3 Power Rankings.
1. Los Angeles Rams (3-0) — This is the best team in the NFL right now, I just wish some fans would show up to the games. I promise that your Artisan cheese stores and juice bars will be open post-game. It's really pick your poison right now with this Rams team, and every choice is deadly. Marcus Peters and Aquib Talib exiting with injuries could be costly though, so stay tuned.
2. Kansas City Chiefs (3-0) — The train keeps rolling for Pat Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs. Though come playoff time, I'm still treating them like a hypnotist. You can tell me it's real, but until I see it in person I won't believe it. Maybe it's because I'm used to seeing Andy Reid's annual December breakdowns in Philadelphia up close. Either way, this team is talented as hell, even if Mahomes sounds like he's about to attempt the Nicotine patch for the third time.
3. Carolina Panthers- (2-1) — In total, Carolina played their best game of the season against Cincinnati. Sacks and takeaways, coupled with a steady dose of Christian McCaffrey and a mistake-free Cam is this team's recipe for success. I'm not a fan of the early bye, but the Panthers and Redskins will both have a well-deserved week off next Sunday.
4. Philadelphia Eagles (2-1) — Carson Wentz made his much anticipated return, but the Eagles didn't blow us away. They got the job done in the end like good teams do, and will only get better as Carson gets re-acclimated. I'm not taking too much from this one; we are going to find out how good the Eagles are in the upcoming weeks.
5. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-1) — I know a guy from New York that flew down to Jacksonville for this game. I hope the city offers him a refund and a free round of golf. If I wanted to watch people kick balls all day, I'd buy tickets to a roshambo face-off. I think the Jaguars are good, but games like this make you scratch your head. Just Urban Dictionary the roshambo thing.
6. New Orleans Saints (2-1) — This game was a thriller, and the best New Orleans has looked thus far, despite their continued defensive struggles. Drew Brees broke Brett Favre's record for most career completions, a record that will likely stand until Brett Favre decides to un-retire in like 2021.
7. Baltimore Ravens (2-1) — John Harbaugh celebrated his birthday in style with a win and probably a raw piece of beef. Alex Collins got it going, Joe Flacco managed the game, and Ray Lewis danced on the sidelines in his gold jacket for a couple of hours for no reason.
8. Green Bay Packers (1-1-1) — It must be against the rules to sack the quarterback with the name Matthews on your jersey. Mike McCarthy was absolutely livid at the referees after that one. Aaron Rodgers may be hobbled all year, though I think the Packers will be okay. Getting Aaron Jones back is bigger than people think.
9. Minnesota Vikings (1-1-1) — Ah the old trap game. A hard-fought battle with their division foe ending in a tie and a Thursday night contest upcoming against perhaps the best team in the league, with only the lowly Bills in between. Nothing to worry about there...
10. New England Patriots (1-2) — A loss to a good Jacksonville team wasn't shocking, but I'm confused after this one. I can't wait for everyone to count New England out again. We should know better by now. Regardless, 10 points against a team that was given a near 50-burger two weeks ago is unacceptable. The Pats looked worse than that new "Night School" movie probably is.
11. Cincinnati Bengals (2-1) — The good news is Tyler Boyd looks like a future star opposite A.J. Green. The bad news is he may have to become that quickly with Green leaving the game with a groin injury and John Ross still having trouble adjusting to the NFL game. Football is a game of inches, and Cincinnati caught a few tough breaks on Sunday. This division is already getting interesting.
12. Miami Dolphins (3-0) — The Dolphins are somehow 3-0 and I'm legitimately perplexed when trying to fit them into my rankings. One Dolphin referred to their team as "NASCAR on grass" and I absolutely love it. Is it time we need to start considering them a contender? Not yet. *Dave Chappelle white-guy voice*
13. Washington Redskins (2-1) — Whether it is their Jekyll and Hyde persona, or Adrian Peterson's engine that refuses to die, the Washington Redskins make absolutely no sense. This is like a blind date every week, except there's no chance you're going to end up naked.
14. Atlanta Falcons (1-2) — Matt Ryan was brilliant, but getting into a shootout with Drew Brees is like challenging Joey Chestnut to a hot dog eating contest. It doesn't matter how many you eat, Joey's going to eat more. The Falcons schedule has been brutal to start. They're better than their current ranking.
15. Denver Broncos (2-1) — The Broncos scored on their first two drives, and then stalled the rest of the game. The 13 penalties for 120 yards didn't help the cause. Next Monday against the Chiefs should be fun.
16. Los Angeles Chargers (1-2) — The Chargers couldn't get any pressure on Goff, and the Rams controlled the game from the start. This one is on the defense, which needs to improve if they want to compete. I don't think Mike Williams is going to be sneaking up on people for much longer.
17. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1-1) — It has been a reality show in Pittsburgh three games into the season. Everything clicked in this week's episode, but doesn't that usually mean they are building up for some sort of epic downfall? It's all about the ratings.
18. Chicago Bears (2-1) — Chicago fought back to grab the victory after a slow start, even with Mitch Trubisky not fully yet clicking with his receivers. Is it me, or does Trubisky look like every Canadian on South Park? I'm not your buddy, guy. This defense is still a problem.
19. Tennessee Titans (2-1) — The Titans have somehow won two games in a row, this one being with a quarterback who still can't feel his fingers. This team has to find an identity if they want to be considered true contenders, but I think they are solid. I had to sacrifice one of these games to watch Tiger. This field-goal battle was the obvious choice.
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1) — Turnovers killed the Bucs who were otherwise able to move the ball against the Steelers defense. I think they have to stick with Ryan Fitzpatrick, although I can see things getting messy down the road. Was this Bucs being relevant thing just a two-game fling?
21. New York Giants (1-2) — They still had some protection issues, but the curse of Erek Flowers may have been broken. The Giants have talent on both sides of the ball, and if they can figure out how to protect Eli, then they may have more of a shot than we all thought after last week. Saquan Barkley is a star.
22. Cleveland Browns (1-1-1) — For the first time in 635 games, the Browns won a football game, and they did it with the No. 1 pick in the draft leading the comeback. The Bud Light coolers opened up with a vengeance, and half the city just got a DUI. Let me know if they plan on giving out free Vicodin for their second win so I can start making some calls.
23. Dallas Cowboys (1-2) — When the Cowboys lose, we all win. What say we keep winning? The only thing worse than the Cowboys offense is Jason Witten in the Monday Night Football booth. Get that dude out of there before he gives us CTE by satellite.
24. San Francisco 49ers (1-2) — This stings for Jimmy G and the 49ers. This is a team on the rise, but they'll have to wait until next year to hopefully keep rising. Knowing your season is over after three weeks has to be tough. I'd say you could be honorary Raiders fans for the season, though that's not going to make you feel much better.
25. Detroit Lions (1-2) - Student beats teacher. The Lions controlled the clock with their first 100-yard rusher since 2013, and grinded out a must-win while holding the GOAT to 10 points. Here's an autograph for your daughter, I wrote it on a Starter cap.
26. Indianapolis Colts (1-2) — The Colts almost stole one in Philly, but Indianapolis couldn't get off the field when it mattered most. That roughing penalty buried them. I'm still encouraged by how this team has looked, especially in a division that is difficult to comprehend. I'd love to see Andrew Luck get pissed off instead of congratulating people on sacking him.
27. Seattle Seahawks (1-2) — The Seahawks are always tough at home, and they join the winning circle with an impressive victory against the Cowboys. Earl Thomas picked off Dak Prescott twice, and Chris Carson was rolling on the ground. Let's see if they can build on this win.
28. New York Jets (1-2) — Isaiah Crowell is the early front-runner for best, worst touchdown celebration. Nonetheless, the Jets got Baker'd in the second half. After an impressive Week 1 win in Detroit, it turns out that the Jets are who we thought they were. And we let them off the hook.
29. Buffalo Bills (1-2) — This was like some sort of alternate-universe "Whose Line is it Anyway?" game where everything is made up, and the points don't matter. Buffalo deserves love for showing some fight when they could have just rolled over on their fire-set tables and died. This was one of the biggest upsets in recent memory.
30. Houston Texans (0-3) — I told myself I'd never use the Houston we have a problem line, except it's Sunday night and I'm tired. This game wasn't as close as the score suggested, and the Texans look disinterred.
31. Oakland Raiders (0-3) — The Raiders have been leading at halftime in all three weeks this season, and have then proceeded to implode in all three weeks. My friend Logan has a Raiders tattoo. I told him I have a sharpie.
32. Arizona Cardinals (0-3) — What is Steve Wilks doing bringing Josh Rosen in on the second-last drive of the game? That's like calling in a shooter cold off the bench to try to hit the game-winning three when he hadn't played all game. This guy couldn't lead a drunk to an open bar.
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