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Old 08-13-2002, 02:04 PM   #1
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Default Sports Central Newsletter - #83 - The 20 Worst Things in Sports

The Sports Central Newsletter
August 11th, 2002 - Issue #83

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|-- IN THIS ISSUE... --|

- Words From the Editor 08.13.02
- Reader's Showcase (Sports Rant)
- What's new at Sports Central?
- Feature Article: The 20 Damn Worst Things in Sports, Period



Hello folks,

As sports fans, the competition and fierce rivalries drive us back to our games each season. But along the way, there is bound to be things that really tick us off. With that in mind, Mike Round has prepared his list of the 20 worst things in sports. From Anna Kournikova to Michael Jordan's seemingly countless retirements, this list covers it all. Let us know what you think and send in YOUR list of things in sports that really annoy you and we'll publish them for all to see. mailto:[email protected]?subject=Feature_Article

Until next time,

- Marc James
mailto:[email protected]


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Each issue, the Reader's Showcase features either challenging sports trivia or sports rant entries from readers on a rotating basis. For the Sports Trivia questions, we will randomly choose trivia questions ranging from baseball to hockey to golf. As for the Sports Rant, you, the readers, have the opportunity write-in with your opinions and thoughts and have your thoughts published in front of thousands of interested eyes.

In this issue, we're featuring another sports rant from fellow readers. Have something on your mind? We want to hear about it! mailto:[email protected]?subject=Readers_Showcase


"Steal of the Draft?"

"Heatley15" writes:


"Wow! DeShaun Foster is going to break a lot of team's hearts. I knew this guy slipped down too far in the draft. I wanted my Falcons to take him, but no they were said to be taking a WR. Then ended up taking T.J. Duckett. Duckett had a nice game, in his first NFL preseason game. Foster had a great game! If Carolina finds blockers for this guy, he is going to be unstoppable. I think the Redskins have a good defense, but Foster didn't think much of it."



Revisiting the new articles for the week of 08/05/02 - 08/11/02:


NBA: Sweet dreams to Dream Team
By John McLaughlin

It is interesting to note that as the years go by, each new Dream Team gets less and less dream-like. The concept of a Dream Team is dying a slow death as our best players chose not to compete in international play. Could it be that the competition from abroad is finally becoming just that, competition? Or maybe we are being haste to compare any such team to the likes of the original Dream Team?



MLB: Who's hot and who's not?
By Masees Nishanian

The end of September is less than two months away, and both teams and players find themselves either hot or not during this crucial time. Wild card races are heating up and division titles are shaping up. With plenty of races in both leagues and with the wild card, a plethora of teams are in the race this year. The following teams and players are either hot on the trail to success or not.



NFL: A return to glory in Titletown?
By Scott Nichol

For most, August means summer is coming to an end. Yet for the Cheeseheads in Wisconsin and others across the country, it is a time for glorious Super Bowl dreams and undeniable hope. SC's Scott Nichol reports from the Packers camp and breaksdown the Packers.



COLUMN: Amico Report: Mutombo for a pair
By Sam Amico

The trade that sent Dikembe Mutombo from the 76ers to the Nets for Keith Van Horn and Todd MacCulloch sure makes you forget all about the deal that sent Antonio Daniels to Portland. The only thing we know for sure is that both of these teams had to make a move. More trade talk in Amico Report.



MLB: Bonds joins the pantheon
By Mason Williams

At some point this week, Barry Bonds will break the 600-homerun barrier, thus opening the debate as to whether or not he is baseball's greatest player ever. Only three other players surpassed 600 -- Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, and Willie Mays, and their names are always mentioned in the timeless debate as to who is the greatest.



MLB: Enough with the Jeter hype
By Eric Maus

Derek Jeter is the most overrated player in the game today. Don't take this wrong, he's a solid player, but most of his hype is due to the fact that he plays in New York and is a likeable guy. If Jeter played on a team out of contention, he would hardly get any praise, says SC's Eric Maus.



NFL: The courage of men
By Gary Cozine

Emmitt Smith is poised to break Walter Payton's all-time career rushing record. SC's Will Meadows takes a look at the makings of greatness, and the courage to shed some tears along the way.



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The 20 Damn Worst Things in Sports, Period

Sometimes, even the most sports obsessed of us realize that there are things in sports that are plain dumb, boring, pathetic, childish, or all four at once. The sporting calendar may be full of great events like the Masters, the World Series, the Super Bowl, and the World Cup Final, but it also has some real clunkers on its schedule. Here's my must-miss list.


By Mike Round

1. The X Games
Young men in baggy shorts, sporting painful looking piercings and complicated tattoos, take time out from drug taking and shoplifting to play sport. Oh no, that's the NBA.

2. The Homerun Derby
Some meat throws grapefruits for Sammy Sosa and company to blast into the next zip code. "Look little Johnny, it's a homerun. And another. And another. Wake up, son." Why anyone watches this cornball nonsense while QVC is broadcasting is a mystery.

3. Formula 1 Grand Prix Racing
Once in a while, there's a crash at the first bend. There are some pit stops. No one ever passes anyone. Michael Schumacher wins.

4. The NFL Pro Bowl
An excuse for second stringers to go to Hawaii and hang out with strippers, while the players actually selected pretend they're injured because their wives (or their bail conditions) won't let them go. An even worse "event" than the other all-star games, which is saying something. Makes F1 Grand Prix racing seem as exciting as Alicia Silverstone naked.

5. Any Skins Game in Golf
Here's a classy idea that the ordinary sports fan can relate to. Let's invite the richest, most pampered golfers in the world to a plush resort and give them large sums of money to shoot the lowest score at each hole. Meanwhile, Joe Six-Pack sits at home in Ohio wondering if his job's safe and whether his stocks are worth trading in for a tank of gas. Is there a person on the planet who gets excited seeing Colin Montgomerie land $75,000 for nailing a 20 footer? Even Mrs. Montgomerie boos. I want to meet the person who came up with the Skins concept -- and beat them with a baseball bat to within an inch of their life.

6. The NFL Trading Deadline
Go on -- tell me when it is? There's more action at an Impotency Convention than on NFL Trade Deadline Day.

7. The Olympic Games
"And coming up on this Olympic morning, in the Janis Joplin Memorial Hall, we've got organized drug taking, followed by a brief period of weightlifting. If that's not enough to satisfy your sporting appetite, the brave Dream Team USA boys go up against a strong looking Mozambique basketball squad. The Dream Team will be hoping to better their 1021-6 victory over five Peruvians in sombreros in their last game. All this excitement-- and synchronized swimming!"

8. The Best Damn Sports Show, Period
Alleged "sports entertainment" show for Generation X'ers with the attention span of a retarded goldfish. Described by FOX as "groundbreaking," which I took as a reference to a drunken Tom Arnold falling on the floor after partying with fellow anchor Michael "Where's My Stash?" Irvin. The audience is bused in from Springer. And to think FOX dropped the excellent National Sports Report for this drivel.

9. The NFL's Blackout Rule
You have to admire the NFL's think tank. Awash with money, but still cheap enough to black out NFL games on local TV unless they're sold out before Lent of the most recent leap year. Reminds me of the classic Seinfeld episode, where Jerry takes back a blazer he's bought and asks for a refund. The Sales Assistant asks him why. "Spite," says Jerry.

10. Boxing
You know a sport is in trouble when the "up and coming youngster" is Evander Holyfield. Instead of listening to their corner men and spitting in between rounds, like in the old days, today's fighters prefer to show each other photos of their grandchildren. There was so little action in the Larry Holmes/Butterbean bout that I read my book -- "Great NFL Trade Deadline Deals." If ever a sport deserved Don King, it's boxing.

11. 95% of College Football Bowl Games
"Welcome to Carson City, Nevada for the first annual Piggly Wiggly Buy One Get One Free Bologna Bowl, featuring 6-6 UNLV against mighty Alabama State (5-7)."

12. The Halftime Coach Interview
Is there a greater waste of two minutes than listening to Melissa Stark asking inane questions of Brian Billick? Check that -- if it was Brian Billick on the end of the mike, we're talking 15 minutes -- minimum.

13. Brian Billick
Why is it every time this guy opens his patronizing mouth I feel like I'm back in sixth grade being lectured by the most annoying teacher in school? This guy is even more annoying than the bozo on the Subway commercial -- "Did I make that burger guy cry?" If there's life in my baseball bat after the Skins guy has had a beating, I'm taking it to these two.

14. Fans Who Whine About Players Salaries
You're a burger-flipper at Mickey D's. The guy from Burger King down the road calls you up. He offers you $25 million a year to do the exact same job you're doing already. He's flush with money because the networks all want to cover burger flipping on TV. You turn it down, right? Reality check, people -- there's money in sports because you people want to watch it. You'd rather it goes to the TV networks or owners like George Steinbrenner or Daniel Snyder? If you don't like what they earn, then don't watch. Simple.

15. Michael Jordan Retirements
The first time M.J. "retired," I was devastated. I was in fifth grade and was so upset I couldn't eat my Kraft dinner that night. I cried all the way through Scooby Doo. Now my grandchildren just tell me, "Don't worry, Granddad, he always comes back."

16. The Boston Red Sox
It's never their fault -- it's the curse of The Bambino, or those Damn Yankees, or some huge conspiracy. They never lose, they're always "robbed." And how about those whining, spiteful, hate-filled fans that make the average fan at The Vet look like a choirboy? The highlight of the 2001 Red Sox season? Carl Everrett breaking up Mike Mussina's perfect game. This season's highlight? A fight with the Orioles. Nine out of every ten sports writers are seemingly Sox fans, so you never get to hear how Pedro Martinez is a more vicious (and efficient) headhunter than Roger Clemens, or how Ted Williams couldn't hit his way out of a wet paper bag when the big game or a pennant was on the line. For sheer futility, they should be contracted before the Marlins.

17. The NBA Traveling Rule
If you want to see this rule enforced, buy a Clippers/Nuggets or Hawks/Cavs ticket. If you want to see players run with the ball like Barry Sanders, then show up on a night when Kobe Bryant or The Answer is on court. Rivals the NFL's "Crowd Noise" penalty as least-enforced sports rule.

18. The NBA's Slam Dunk Competition
As tedious as the Homerun Derby. Gives sycophantic sports commentators another opportunity to grovel to overpaid thugs with gang tattoos and misuse street slang to try to prove they're "down."

19. The NBA and NHL Regular Seasons
Here's an idea to keep the fans on the edge of their seats: let's spend six months eliminating Golden State and the Clippers (insert your favorite lame hockey franchise here), then we'll get down to the serious stuff just as the baseball season starts. God forbid we actually make teams work to make the postseason!

20. Anna Kournikova
Her forehand needs work like Michael Jackson needs therapy. And that's her strong shot. She's won as many WTA events as Mariah Carey. She looks good in a tennis skirt, but so does Melissa Joan Hart and I didn't see her at Wimbledon. A heroine to viewers of The Best Damn Sports Show, Period.


Mike welcomes your feedback on his column: mailto:[email protected]?subject=Feature_Article


(Thanks for reading! Next issue set to come out on 08/25/02.)


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