* It's Not the "U," It's the "P," or "Aye" of the Hurricane — The University of Miami suspended quarterback Kevin Olsen for the Hurricanes season opener for failing a drug test. Olsen is suspected of using an illegal booster.
* The Packers Texted Favre a Picture of a Bust, and He Responded With a Text of His Own, or There's a Thaw in the Frozen Tundra — Brett Favre will be inducted into the Green Bay Packers Hall Of Fame and have his No. 4 retired on July 18, 2015. Apparently, Favre's head will be something his word could never be — cast in stone.
* Whole Lotta Love, or Quite a Decision, or if This Team Gets Anymore Loaded, They'll Have to Take a Drug Test — The Minnesota Timberwolves have agreed in principle to trade Kevin Love to the Cleveland Cavaliers for 2014 No. 1 pick Andrew Wiggins, 2014 No. 1 pick Anthony Bennett, and a protected 2015 first-round pick. It's proof that the team has anything but a "cavalier" attitude about winning the NBA championship.
* Nine Digits? That's Nine More Than You Need to Count His Playoff Wins, or Even For a Bengal, That's a Lot of Scratch — The Cincinnati Bengals signed quarterback Andy Dalton to a six-year contract extension worth $115 million. Observers noted that the only difference between "payoff" and "playoff" is an "L."
* Ironically, His "Rep" Precedes Him — Johnny Manziel took all the reps with the first team in the Cleveland Browns practice on Monday. In true Johnny Football fashion, he took all the attention, as well.
* Is This Some Kind of Bust? No, Those Are Your Bitch Tits, or Your Asterisk is Mine! — Tony Bosch, founder of the Biogenesis lab, surrendered to DEA agents and will plead guilty to conspiracy to distribute anabolic steroids. When asked to comment, former client Alex Rodriguez said he expected the case against Bosch to be a home run.
* Ocho Sink-O, or He's Got 8 Games to Get His Piss Together — Cleveland Browns expect wide receiver Josh Gordon to be suspended for only eight games, not the one year suspension that was a distinct possibility. For the embattled Cleveland receiver, a 16-game suspension would have been hard to digest, and even harder to inhale.
* Cary, Cary, Why You "Buggin'?" — Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Cary Williams said he stands by his opinion that the New England Patriots are "cheaters." The Patriots laughed off the accusation, but said they'd be "watching" Williams.
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