Foul Territory: Horse Power and Fighting Words

* He Went a "Oui" Bit Faster — France's Simon Pagenaud won the Indianapolis 500 pole with a four-lap average of 229.992, edging Ed Carpenter by just over a tenth of a second. He is the first Frenchman to win the pole in 100 years, and will likely surrender the lead soon after the start.

* Sh%t Showtime — Former Los Angeles Laker president of basketball operations Magic Johnson said general manager Rob Pelinka was "backstabbing" him, leading to Johnson's sudden resignation on April 9th. It's a far cry from the vibe in the Lakers front office just a few years earlier, when Phil Jackson was "front-stabbing" Jeanie Buss.

* The Headline "Wilder Murders Breazeale" Will Probably Need a Footnote," or Kill Shot, or "Breazeale-ian" Waxed — Deontay Wilder knocked out Dominic Breazeale in the first round on Saturday, dominating for his ninth straight title defense. The result came just a few days after Wilder said boxing "is the only sport where you can kill a man and get paid for it at the same time." Wilder downplayed his statement later, calling them merely "fighting words."

* Gate Crasher, or Solo Can You Go? — Bodexpress ran the entire Preakness Stakes without a jockey after John Velazquez fell off soon after the start. Velazquez was asked later if he thought jockey-less horses are the future of the sport, to which he replied, 'obsoletely not."

* Shot Down in a Blaze of Non-Glory — The Golden State Warriors completed a 4-0 sweep of the Portland Trail Blazer with a 119-117 win in Game 4 on Monday. Portland blazed a trail all the way back to the drawing board.

* Shutdown Corner, or Banned in the NFC — Arizona Cardinals cornerback Patrick Peterson was suspended six games for violating the NFL's performance-enhancing substance policy. It appears PP's pee pee has been DQ'd.

* He Claimed the Iron (And Wood, and Putter) Throne — Brooks Koepka shot 4-over in the final round of the PGA Championship, but held on to beat Dustin Johnson for the title. Experts noted that a "plus-four" hadn't factored so prominently in a major since Payne Stewart won the 1999 U.S. Open.

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